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It never occurred to me that the prosecution would withhold exculpatory evidence at the trial and that one of the young men, Isaac Knapper, would be wrongly convicted for murder and sent to prison for the rest of his life. My family did not question the arrest and verdict for many reasons, but the biggest was that my family was solidly part of the white, dominant culture. When I found out in that the alleged killer of my father, Isaac Knapper, had been exonerated in the early s, I was shocked and sickened.
By then I had become a psychiatrist with a deep interest in issues of social justice and was well aware of the gross inequities that existed in America between people of color and white people—in health care, life expectancy, educational opportunity, housing, wealth … the list goes on and on. The anguish was now compounded by images of Isaac as a young man in the Louisiana State Penitentiary, Angola where he was sent to live out the rest of his life with no chance of parole.
By , I was both curious and furious. I decided to take personal action to more fully understand the horrendous racist event that my family had unwittingly been involved in. The meeting and our friendship have transformed my life. How much worse his experience had been then I could even imagine. He shared his violent arrest at a.
Yet, despite all he had been through and continues to go through as a Black man in this society , he also listened to our story and our pain with deep compassion and caring. One lesson I have learned from Isaac and his family is that the process of healing racism will hurt and at times, the risks you will need to take will be terrifying.
But the pain is not penance for bad behavior though there is room for that as well. When you hurt so badly you feel you will die—pay close attention. Feeling unspeakable pain may mean you have finally begun to feel clear empathy and resonance with the relentless agonies and indignities faced by people of color. Do you dare to risk everything to be part of the movement to repair the racial divide that has plagued our country since white people enslaved Black people over years ago literally using their Black bodies to build America?
Isaac and I have established a deep friendship—one that feels more like family. It is a chosen family that I cherish. Within it I have had the opportunity to heal and to grow and to witness my own biases in a way that humbles me.
We have chosen to write our story in an upcoming book, Fighting Time. In sharing our story, we hope to inspire people to move into the fear and the pain of systemic racism and to have the conversations that are desperately needed to see and feel one another and to help our society grow beyond our tragically racist roots.
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Here I can begin to understand how seamlessly my own racist education started and how deeply it lives in my cells.
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